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Dove Dinell
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8th-Apr-2011 03:15 pm - Maybe I can deal?
this body
Maybe i can deal with 108, being my size and the lowest healthy weight. Maybe it's enough? Maybe I don't need sickness?

Every decision I make... it used to be governed by the E.D. Now I'm staring it in the face *sometimes* but now always.

I'm not recovered.
I don't know what I am
6th-Feb-2011 04:39 pm - x posted to a community
this body
I've been losing weight. I've now lost half the weight I gained in treatment and am officially underweight (by 3 lbs only... but I don't want to stop there). Treatment started in June and ended at the end of September... I'm so conflicted. I don't want to have to go back... and I am pretty sure it will not come to that, but I'm so in love with waking up lighter than the day before... sigh. Once this gets a hold of you it's hard to let go.
30th-Jan-2011 05:27 pm - here I am
this body
Hey all. It's Dove. Maybe no one remembers me but I'm back. I got out of E.D. treatment in September and am doing well (though I am trying to lose weight). I recently tried SI after not doing it since March but it wasn't bad... still, kind of lame. Looking forward to getting to know all of you again.
<3
27th-Oct-2010 11:09 am - painting I did
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Photobucket

at my website too (shinealight.etsy.com) :)
1st-Oct-2010 08:19 am - new art
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Well I'm bad ad updating on my life and emotional status... I guess I can say I finished 3 1/2 months of treatment (inpatient) and now I'm in intensive outpatient (IOP) which has allowed me to work on 2 paintings (so far). And here they aaaare


Photobucket

Photobucket
19th-Sep-2010 07:49 pm(no subject)
this body
I'm BACK

...sorry for the time it will take to catch up on all you all's lives.

Basically treatment failed. I failed.
Here I am crawling back.
Please don't hate me...
13th-Jun-2010 09:06 am - gonna be posting more here
this body
I don't really expect anyone to follow this but...

If anyone is interested in following me as I go through recovery at Castlewood treatment center I will be posting much more often here:

http://dove-shinealight.blogspot.com/


Yeah. I will still pop on to see how you all are doing if I can but this is where I will talk about my recovery.


Love you all...

-Dove
15th-May-2010 07:02 am - um
this body
So sorry I haven't updated in foreverrrr.

I'm going into Castlewood. That's a residential treatment place for eating disorders. I weigh 89 pounds now (ew). I'm going there for several months but not until June 7th so I'm trying to hang in there for the move from Seattle to St. Louis and not lose any more weight from all this stress etc. because really, srsly, I'd rather not die. I don't think a couple more pounds would kill me but I don't want to knock a few more months off my lifespan (or some more calcium off my bones- though I do take supplements).

Anyway I will be there all summer including over my birthday and I will barely see my friends who are only in town over the summer or my sister who is only there over the summer or my boyfriend who I haven't seen all year. Joy.

I will try to catch up a little now.
20th-Apr-2010 09:32 am - A Chance (x-posted)
this body
Short poem about vaguely wanting to recover from anorexia.


(A Chance)

The buzz of a fleeting shape floats past
all shadow, inward, searching through
dark cafe windows. Home at last
she starts to shape her heart into
a mold unbreakable and clean
from bits of plastic. She'll make do.
She's been this way since age fourteen,
Outside a shiver, blaze within.
It's lose or lose, a pound, a love,
a chance to live,
a fleeing dove
a chance to catch a falling book
with pages blank with promised light,
a chance to turn the gaping looks,
a chance to live, to make things right.
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